A Woman And A Half

I crept in on her around 05:40 so that I could be the first to wish her a happy birthday. She was startled by a hug from behind and a kiss on her cheek. She smiled softly and said thank you. I looked at her smile, it was masked with a lot of emotion. The past few months had been tough on her and in that moment I felt words were not enough to show my love and appreciation for a woman who had sacrificed her life so that mine would be better.

I was born of a woman of valor. She is clothed in wisdom and strength. The truest definition of a Proverbs 31.

She would wake up early enough to ensure that we had full stomachs before heading out to school, and then she stayed behind to ensure that we found a home when we came back. She was never late for her usual school runs; sometimes she came too early but it was all a depiction of her true love and her incessant desire that we were safe.

There were times when we pissed her off and we would get it; they were also times when we did our best and made her proud. In spite of all this, the only thing that made her really proud was us having a relationship with God. I remember her waking me up as early as 5am on a Sunday so that we attend the first mass. I dreaded it sometimes because I loved sweet sleep but in hindsight, the only thing she wanted was for her kids to know God, personally. She would lock me in on a one-to-one with her so that I memorized the rosary and prepare for my baptism and so the day I finally got baptized, she felt accomplished (I was gonna drop a bombshell 4 years later but that’s a story for another day.)

My Ngoni princess taught me hard work. There would be times when she would round up my brothers to raid our toys and burn them simply because she felt we were becoming too lazy. I hated it but trust me, I won’t hesitate to make the same decisions for my kids.

She made me learn how to do the dishes, cook, take care of business and still go to school and act like a boss.

“You never know how life will turn out tomorrow, learn what you can today so that you may be able to face whatever.” That is still her favourite line.

She was proud of my grades, and always enjoyed collecting my school report or coming for awards day but she insisted that I should always remember that anyone can be smart. That I should never become proud of my accomplishments because anyone else can also get there. She emphasized that I become successful yet humble, willing to help others whenever I can.

She labored to make me independent.

“Don’t let this last born nonsense get into your head girl!” She would always say, whenever I wanted to be babied. I even recall asking her if she was really my mother! (Umm yeah.) And so I learned to live apart from mummy and not be overly dependent on her; she would veto my camp outs (after fights, tantrums and tears of course), and school trips that required me to spend days away from home because she wanted me to be ready for anything.

Speaking of being ready for anything, I thought it would be wise to learn how to ride a bicycle but the odds weren’t in my favour and I have a permanent scar on my head to show for it. Guess who ran around hospitals in the night? Yep, mommy dearest. Ask me again if I can ride a bike.

So she distracted my attention from learning how to ride bikes to getting there on time so that you wont need a bike.

 “What time is it from where you are standing? Clearly we are not using the same watch. You don’t learn at your grandpa’s school (recently it has been ‘you don’t work for your grandpa’)!” That always woke me up. There ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why I always wake up at 5… well not always but 5am nonetheless.

My mother believes in rising early, doing your chores and getting there on time. She believes in giving everything your best shot. She believes that you are late because you wanted to and not because dynamics worked against you (I’m still learning and appreciating this though.)

She is trying to mold me into a Proverbs 31 and that is a welcome move.

Another favourite line:

“It is 7:30pm. Where are you?”

I can only stay out late if it is work, school or church.

“I was beginning to think you were with my son-in-law.”

“Oh mummy, son-in-law, do you want me to get you one?”

*Face changes*

“Can you just concentrate on school and stop this nonsense! I want you to get a good man… [Indiscreet chatter].”

Because she was constantly saying no to me dating, I asked her what her ideal son-in-law was and you guessed right: God fearing and bloody hard-working!

“You should never have to suffer! If he puts God first, he’ll respect you.”

I sit there listening and crossing boxes on some folks I meet but she immediately stops talking and throws in a ‘how is school?’ as a ‘chill’ signal.

It is my mother’s birthday and I thought I could pen down who she is to me and recount the memories of what she has taught me. In case you don’t have a mom, my mom can be your mom and I’m not even joking (there was this one time when she took in a random girl she met on the street and fought so hard to get her reunited with her family. Guys, I was raised by an angel!)

My mum is simply the best! No shadow of doubt. And for the record, I tell her these things on a daily basis because words of affirmation and quality time are her love language!

Happy birthday to the best mum. My hearthstone.