You Are Not The Girl

When I first met her, I was greeted by innocence. They called it naivety but I thought otherwise; it was just a flare of purity. She wore clothes, in the very sense of the word in that her body was always completely covered, giving no room for a lustful look at her posterior. Her conversations were always pure and true, rarely engaging in quick chats (what they call gossip), but firm as a reed in defense of her faith.

There were things that you downright knew she wouldn’t do, like don’t even bother asking what she did over the weekend because it was the same old routine: church, church and more church. It was a church meeting, or a training … at church, or picking up books from… yeah church.

She was passionate about her Master’s work, seldomly giving excuses. She was willing to spend and be spent.

That is the girl I met, knew and grew to love.

But life came and taught her otherwise. That ‘you need to work hard’ was welcome advice until hard work became the order of the day… leaving little or no time for anything.

She was then taught about the beauty of appearance; not that she wasn’t beautiful before, but somehow she was now being taught that she needed to go an extra inch to look the part; a few brows out, a little make-up on, and before anyone knew it, her face completely changed, from once natural beauty to ‘I can’t live without my make-up’ kind of girl.

Oh and her dresses became shorter too, struggling to reach near the knee. Parts that for long had been a mystery begun to show openly, like at a market square.

Busy about her Master’s work still? Ah no, new excuses begun to be invented.

“Sphere of influence!” She argued. It sounded pretty cool, everyone liked the idea but little did they know that she was beginning to sound and look like everyone else.

Her conversations changed, so did her way of spending her free time. There was no longer a stark contrast between she and them. It was even the more difficult to tell apart what she would or wouldn’t do.

I looked at the new girl that stood in front of me, and I knew in my heart of hearts that this is not the girl. She is not the one whose innocence made it like heaven to be around, she is not the girl who left me mysteriously wondering how and why she was this dedicated, she was definitely not the girl who slowly crept into my heart and set my soul on fire.

And so with tears in my eyes, I sat her down and said:

“I know you want the good life, we all do. I know you want to be loved, we all do. I know you want to be accepted, and as much as I sound like a broken record, we all do. But not in this kind of way. What happened to my little girl, the one who took pride in who and what she was? What happened to the girl who gracefully carried the modesty tag? The success you are enjoying has become the sponge that is slowly rubbing off your faith and grip on God.”

“You are now making excuses and being apologetic about things you never compromised on. You are no longer the girl! It’s a slow fade when black and white turns to gray!”

See, we have been led to turn away the fountain of living water and then hewn for ourselves broken cisterns that do not hold water. And so we thirst but only vinegar is available to us. But unlike the Son on the cross, we don’t turn away but gulp the vinegar down our throats and call it the best drink we’ve ever tasted.

But no, there is a chord, a sound in my ear that is calling me deeper. This is not what He meant by abundant living. The command was to seek ye first, then the rest will be added, but only after you seek first. Now, it has become okay to run away with the gifts and forsake the giver; it has become okay to lift up the busy flag when asked about your devotional life, and no, that is not okay!

And so if you meet my girl, please tell her this is not you; you are not the girl! You are no longer living out your purpose or calling; you are not the girl!

To the little girl who has gotten caught up in the cares of this world; little girl, please come back.

Umm, me? Pharisee? No!

On one Sabbath, they walked in as they always do, with their long garments, spiced with that Sabbath-best look of holiness. Carefully diced, rightly sliced with a dash of cinnamon. They owned the show. And so they went about their business; busy here and there. Not stopping to look, not stopping to care. Why should they, why would they? They are the leaders, remember?

Oh but one entered through the same gates, quivering, desperately crying for attention. Guess what happened! They rushed to help and all was well, right? I also thought so but nay. Nobody paid attention to him. He held his mat tightly to his chest, as if it was the only possession he had. But the truth is the mat knew all his pain, his anguish as he fought for his life; if mats could speak, his would sure tell how he shrieked in pain all those decades he had been sick.

The day wore on; it was business as usual. Then hushing all the music, some ‘strange’ sight grasped their attention. Smack-dabbed, their eyeballs seemed to pop out. It could be an understatement to say that they were all shocked at what they saw… but there he stood, the once sick man. He was uprightly standing, with an elastic step that easily made him the healthiest in the room. He had been healed!

Amidst shocks and gasps, one of them gained the courage to speak.

“Howbeit that you carry your mat on the Sabbath day?”

Ha-ha! Yeah why carry it on the Sabbath brother, you know better, no?

Ok straight face on, really? Is that the question to ask? What happened to ‘how did this miracle happen?’ or ‘praise the Lord you are finally ok!’?

Talk about missing the mark!

Sometimes we get so caught up in rituals that we miss out on the important detail that lies in wait of being understood, and being appreciated. Sometimes, we miss the mark so greatly that the things that were meant to be blessings have become yokes, huge burdens that people do not want to bear.

Rules, rules, rules! That is all people see. What happened to the God behind all these ‘rules’? Do people know Him, do we even show Him? Holiness is not right living; rather it is Christ in us, the hope of glory! Christianity has become a set of thou shalt nots, that breaking the law is the central focus and not breaking the heart of the Friend that gave the law.

This is not even about being liberal or conservative; it is about missing the point. Why is it that they failed to recognize the Messiah when He was in their midst? Because they had run away with the doctrine and left the Man of the doctrine. It had all become about sticking to rules, doing it right… on your own. Why, because the one who gives power was ousted, completely from the picture. And as is all self-righteousness, it made them cold, heartless, and gave them a form of godliness that denied the power thereof.

There is so much we need to unlearn; we all need that life-giving power that will breathe life in all of us. It won’t make us lower the standards, neither will it make us tolerant, it’ll just make us realize that we can be cheerful, caring and loving law-keeping Christians, because that is who Christ is!

Entangled

She had this way of doing things; it was not entirely common so much that everyone thought it was quite weird. I mean, most of the time, if not all of the time, she had a different perspective, a different way of regarding things so much she would easily pass as the strange nerd only without glasses.

But, like everybody else, she had a story.

She still had some imaginary friends… pretty creepy right? I would say the same thing, well until I knew her full story.

The worst part is they all had names, the imaginary friends that is. There was the smart one, the lazy one, the ladies-man and then the strong woman, more like the woman of steel. She described all of these with a strange precision that almost made you think that they could be alive somewhere. Could it be the reason why she was all over the place, like she had conversations going on in her mind?

Digging deeper, I discovered that those were actually defense mechanisms; methods she had developed to express certain emotions that she dare not blurt out for fear of being looked down on, misunderstood or prejudiced. So she bottled all the envy, the fear of failure, the shock, the pain, the anger, the lust, the grief… she bottled them all up in a place where no one would find out. And for a while, it seemed to be working. Everyone thought she was pretty tough, like she would bear all the reproach, all the scorn without expressing a wink of defeat, or sorrow, oh but when the lights were out,  a few Curious Ears would hear her sob all night long, surrounded by this deep darkness that she couldn’t break open. Then when morning came, she was the same person as the day before, bubbly and social.

And so am wondering… do we live in a world that stops people from being themselves, do we live in a world that easily judges people who are different simply because they are different, without at least trying to understand their story?

Are we so quick to put out a candle then curse the darkness?

Sometimes, if we only cared as much as we judged, loved as much as we hated, embraced as much as we criticized, then maybe people would be less depressed, maybe people would be less distrustful… if only we had a world that embraced in love, and then sought out to correct your flaws than a world that first uses the rod!

And so somewhere out there is a weirdo, and she might continue to be that way until someone will be bold enough, loving enough to let her share with you what is it really that bugs her, what is it really that brought her to this level, what is it really that makes her the way she is… so until that happens, don’t lift your hand to criticize, don’t even think about making her or him the laughing stock, don’t be the one that thrives on inflicting more pain… if you can’t help then don’t hold anyone in derision simply because they are a little different…

“God grant me the courage to change what I can, the serenity to accept the things I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Mostly quoted, mostly loved but rarely applied words.

Sustained Revival

The countdown was officially over, the Mission Empowerment Conference we had all been praying and planning for had finally come. And so, sitting in the corner, looking at how everything was coming together, the excitement on people’s faces and everything that goes with it, I was so excited to be part of what promised to be a reviving experience.

Sermons, seminars, lunch, seminars- the cycle went on until five days later. And then I found myself in that empty hall again, this time with no people, no décor and no sermons being preached, and it finally dawned on me that that was it; the conference was done. Time for life to continue as usual, or should it?

So often we attend weeks of prayer, revival campaigns, evangelistic seminars but all these eventually come to an end and so does the spiritual zeal. But should that be the case? Are we entitled to only have a five-day, or four weeks long revival? We are all too familiar with that spiritual high experience, the peak of our religiosity that makes us think that should Jesus come today, I am ready for translation! But weeks later, we are back to our usual self, the flickering flames of our so-called revival burn out and what remains is a dark, cold, lifeless fireplace. However, such should not be the case. I believe the purpose of all these revivals is not only to create a spiritual thirst but also to encourage a continual growth that quenches the thirst.

And so like many others, the question that really bugs at the back of our heads is how do I stay fired up? How do I ensure that this revival am experiencing is not short-lived? The good news is the Bible provides an answer. Jesus told a parable in Matthew 13, which He aptly explains in verses 20 to 23:

“20. But he who received the seed on stony places, this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; 21. yet he has no root in himself, but endures only for a while. For when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles. 22. Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word and he becomes unfruitful. 23. But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.”

So, there is a Sower or a bearer of the message as well as the message itself or the seed but the results are different. The problem is not with the seed, neither is it with the sower, no. The problem is with the ground. Sometimes we receive the world but because we have not yet surrendered entirely to God, the experience only endures for a while. There are still those cares and concerns of this world that we have not resolutely decided to let go of and consequently, the word we receive is choked and we go back to life as usual.

There were, and still are times when I come back from a wonderful worship service and am convinced that I had been with the Lord but going back home, because I have not uprooted those thorns and thistles that always stand in my way (notice the word uproot and not cut), days later am back to my old self, with an inconsistent devotion. This experience even gets more real when you read the excerpt from Christ’s Object Lessons.

“The seed sown upon stony ground finds little depth of soil. The plant springs up quickly, but the root cannot penetrate the rock to find nutriment to sustain its growth, and it soon perishes. Many who make a profession of religion are stony-ground hearers. Like the rock underlying the layer of earth, the selfishness of the natural heart underlies the soil of their good desires and aspirations. The love of self is not subdued. They have not seen the exceeding sinfulness of sin, and the heart has not been humbled under a sense of its guilt. This class may be easily convinced, and appear to be bright converts, but they have only a superficial religion.

It is not because men receive the word immediately, nor because they rejoice in it, that they fall away. As soon as Matthew heard the Saviour's call, immediately he rose up, left all, and followed Him. As soon as the divine word comes to our hearts, God desires us to receive it; and it is right to accept it with joy. "Joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth." Luke 15:7. And there is joy in the soul that believes on Christ. But those who in the parable are said to receive the word immediately, do not count the cost. They do not consider what the word of God requires of them. They do not bring it face to face with all their habits of life, and yield themselves fully to its control,” COL 46.3,4.

Deep! But, there is hope… it is not God’s will that we should be he hearers who are likened to the stony or thorny ground. In fact, Inspiration records that God is more than willing to bestow such good gifts as an unbroken and consistent walk with Him. Just notice the word privilege in the passage below.

“It is the privilege and the duty of every Christian to have a rich and abundant experience in the things of God…The bright beams of the Sun of Righteousness shine upon the servants of God, and they are to reflect His rays,” New Life: Revival and Beyond, p. 18, 

What! Privilege? In other words, it is a right, an entitlement for every Christian to enjoy a rich and abundant experience. However, this cannot be done by ourselves.

“But the stony-ground hearers depend upon self instead of Christ. They trust in their good works and good impulses, and are strong in their own righteousness. They are not strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might. Such a one "hath not root in himself"; for he is not connected with Christ,” COL 47.1.

We cannot seek to enjoy this rich and abundant experience by our own might or strength; rather a power without us can achieve this in us but we need to let Him work in our lives, we need to surrender.

“Many feel a sense of estrangement from God, a realization of their bondage to self and sin; they make efforts for reform; but they do not crucify self. They do not give themselves entirely into the hands of Christ, seeking for divine power to do His will. They are not willing to be molded after the divine similitude…Christ asks for an unreserved consecration, for undivided service,” COL 48.2,4.

So herein lies the answer to the quest for a long-term revival: surrender. The admonition is to surrender our all and let God work in us. To let go of anything and anyone that can come between us and God, then and only then can we have that long-lasting revival.

Lower Bargain

The story of the Cross and all that goes with it is too overwhelming. I mean how on earth (definitely not on earth) can you explain what happened on the Cross? Why would God give up His Son to serve wretched men; what was in it for Him? What did He seek to gain by taking our place and dying a death we deserve?

I happened on this beautiful song called His for mine, which wonderfully summarizes, in three stanzas the story of the Cross.

His heart was broken, mine was mended

He became sin, now I am clean.

The cross he carried bore my burden.

The nails that held him set me free.

Chorus:

His life for mine, his life for mine

How could it ever be?

That he would die, God's son would die

To save a wretch like me

What love divine, he gave his life for mine.

His scars of suffering brought me healing

He spilled his blood to fill my soul.

His crown of thorns made me royalty

His sorrow gave me joy untold

Chorus:

His life for mine, his life for mine

How could it ever be?

That he would die, God's son would die

To save a wretch like me

What love divine, he gave his life for mine.

Bridge:

He was despised and rejected, stripped of his garments and oppressed

I am loved and accepted and I wear a robe of righteousness

Chorus:

His life for mine, his life for mine

How could it ever be?

That he would die, God's son would die

To save a wretch like me

What love divine, he gave his life for mine, for mine!

I must admit, this song had me all teared-up. So often than not, in my relations with friends, I choose to get a better share; if I am to trade off my place, there must a better prospect. But not so with Jesus, He chose the opposite. He left the loftiest place in heaven for a world so marred as ours, not to be enthroned as some earthly king, rather to die in my place! He was made sin for us, Him who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him [2 Corinthians 5:21]

Christ was treated as we deserve, that we might be treated as He deserves. He was condemned for our sins, in which He had no share, that we might be justified by His righteousness, in which we had no share. He suffered the death which was ours, that we might receive the life which was His. "With His stripes we are healed."  {DA 25.2}

And so, since by His loss we have everything to gain, is it then too much to ask if Jesus tells us to give up our all, take up our cross and follow Him?

God gave all--life and love and suffering--for our redemption. And can it be that we, the unworthy objects of so great love, will withhold our hearts from Him? Every moment of our lives we have been partakers of the blessings of His grace, and for this very reason we cannot fully realize the depths of ignorance and misery from which we have been saved. Can we look upon Him whom our sins have pierced, and yet be willing to do despite to all His love and sacrifice? In view of the infinite humiliation of the Lord of glory, shall we murmur because we can enter into life only through conflict and self-abasement?  {SC 45.1} 

Doesn’t something about the Cross awaken in us a sense of wanting to let go of all so that we might gain Christ, doesn’t it motivate us to surrender; to stop chasing after sin and yield to Him who loved us even before we knew what love was?

Mercy!

Complete Sell Out

I found a wonderful piece written by an unknown African Pastor. It is just the epitome of an experience that we all need; a radical kind of commitment. 

"I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of Christ. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I’m finished with low living, sight walking, and small planning; and I’m done with smooth knees, colourless dreams, tamed visions, foolish talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognise, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on his presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labour by power.

My face is set, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, and my way is rough. My companions are few, but my guide is reliable and my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won’t give up, shut up or let up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, and preached up for the cause of Christ. I’m a disciple of Jesus. I must go till he comes, give till I drop, share all I know, and work till He stops me.

And when he comes for his own, He will have no trouble recognising me-for my banner will be clear. Amen."

A call for self-introspection, I must make haste to mention.

Musings on Surrender

Hopes, dreams, trying out, holding on… crushed. The cycle repeats itself, the first time it happens, you are all shocked, accept it as a learning curve, pick yourself up and then try again… Then came the second; this time you are not too confident about the theory of learning curves, and so doubts creep in and you begin to think that maybe you are just not cut out for this, maybe you weren’t called to be, called to try… moan and groan for a while then let go.

The third time in a roll and this time, it just throws you off… I mean you had promised that you wouldn’t venture unbidden, but somehow you found yourself trying again… stubborn heart? Maybe! But this time, you are tired, tired of crying, tired of thinking that you are not called, and you just sit there… wondering why… asking why..

Then it finally hits you: SURRENDER!

Yes, it’s so easy to gloss over and talk about submitting your will to Him, so easy to talk about letting self go but in actual practice, most of us (by most, I could actually be talking about the triplets: me, myself and I) do not really understand what it means to let go, entirely. Surrender is described in this abstract, ‘you’ll understand when you get there’ concept that is all too hard to understand from a practical level, even if ‘you get there’!

Where is ‘there’ anyway?

And so I constantly find myself in this battle; battle to try out and live like Him using my own might. Setting up rules and guidelines for living: only a certain amount of this, do not sit there, no control that… but this rule-setting type of lifestyle gets hard, and deplorably so! And you begin to wonder how do I live a satisfying life?

Then He responds with the ever faithful ‘without me, ye can do nothing!’ And you ask, how am I to have Him, so that I can do everything, yes, get victory over sin! Get the victory without trying, get the victory without failing, get the victory without trying to do it in your might?

The answer is there: have Him!

“My life was not meant to be an example to copy. Being My follower is not trying to be like Jesus; it means your independence is killed. I came to give you life, real life, My life. I will come and live my life inside you so that you begin to see with My eyes, and hear with My ears, and touch with My hands, and think like I do,” The Shack, p. 151.[William Paul Young, 2004]

That is the concept! The more you try to look at Christ like the example on some chalk board and then try to write it down in your book, it’s gonna get hard; but when you let Him live out His life within you, it sure will be easy. The easiest way I know of having Him is to accept Him, and let Him live on your behalf; to just surrender every facet of one’s life to Him. Holding nothing back: giving your social life, your mental, physical, everything! To just be like a free falling feather, not fretful, neither careful… to just give up on you so that He can take control; to put up your white flag!

Am thinking: maybe the reason behind the first, and every other subsequent fall was a pruning process, a reminder that yes you were called, yes you were chosen but you will only be faithful if you let Me live out My life in you.

I have encountered a number of dead ends in my life, and I only realized how dead they were after getting all excited and bubbly about the supposed stroke of good. Then of course, I would sulk and swear to never ever try again… but subtly, and usually unconsciously I found myself trying again. Maybe that is the case with self; always trying to try, always trying to wake up and work, and doing so with a bunch of sweet empty nothings, good old promises that have been aptly defined as ropes of sand. And it is in those moments that you need to stop and let go. Stop relying in your power to do it, but before that, realizing that there is a desire in all of us to live right but the method is where we mess up.

And so in every dead end, am reminded that yes I have been called, yes I have been chosen, to live right that is, but I can only become faithful if I let Him do the living right. To let Him live right in me is indeed right living!

“I have been crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me,” Galatians 2:20

Abundant Living, Or Is It?

The world came and promised us bliss; instant happiness without adhering to rules. We were wooed, swept off our feet and so we dashed off logic and reason and followed impulse and off we went, to enjoy this bliss. We were free at last; nothing and no one holding us back.

And so we experienced utopia, and wondered why He said thou shalt not eat when that little serpent was right after all, such pleasures, such goodness. We sure don’t need anything else… well, until we realized that after every party, came a dense form of emptiness, an abyss of pitch black that we could barely recognize ourselves, the people who hours ago had so much fun…

The sadness engulfed us like never before and we felt used, dejected… but the morning came and like opium, we were at it again. Ah, it was just our minds playing tricks, see the world is still beautiful, we just need to live large!

But, the whimpering sadness came back, stronger this time. Soon, we found no pleasure in the so-called bliss. The morning was not a promise of the happiness that lay ahead, rather it was a reminder of how broken we are.

And so we thought to ourselves, maybe there’s more. Let us go back to the world and ask for the abundant living earlier promised.

“Aha!” said the world with an air of pomposity, what you see is what you get. You should have known better that the thief comes but to steal, kill and destroy. We are that thief. And so forget about the abundant living, it doesn’t get more abundant than this.

Meanwhile, the heart of a Father went out to his lost son, and daily He fixed His eye to the same road that granted us what we thought was freedom. Day by day, the Father held on to the forlorn hope that the son would return; that the son would realize that the life of ease so promised was nothing but a fallacy…

Feeling duped and dejected, we came back. The words the world told us were still ringing in our ears! We have been fooled, this is not bliss; this is eternal condemnation. The so-called pleasures were but fleeting, leaving behind them the cold waves of anger, brokenness and pain. O that we would go back home!

Yes! We can go back home, we can say that we have learnt our lesson; that the grass is not at all greener on the other side. We can go with our carefully crafted speech and seek to be even the doorkeeper, just as long as we are free from this chain of deceit…

As we round up our flimsy, rope of sand promise, something in the Father’s heart moves, as if a joyous pang of a hope finally fulfilling… excited, the Father gets up, sees a little dirty figure approaching. The excitement wheels are turning. Could this be?

Stretching the eyes further, the Father sees what he has hoped to see all this time and holding his garment in hand, He flees, running after the prodigal. Before we can even mutter our empty and sweet nothings, the Father throws His rams of love around us and then in that instant show of deep affection, we realize that this is the bliss we forfeited. We hewn ourselves cisterns that could hold no water yet left behind a fountain of living water.

 As the events of our foolishness flash before us, we can do nothing but cry, cry our hearts out and mutter repeatedly, “Am sorry! Am sorry!”

But the Father does not lay it to our charge. He grabs us and in that instant show, we are lost in His love. He erases the tears and takes us in as if the events of the previous moment, when all puffed up with rebellion and a desire for freedom we left home, never happened.

Behold what manner of love, to be fully known [flaws, empty promises, sin-stricken past], yet to be fully loved!

Freeing the Caged Bird

There were blood stains on the wall. The broken piece of glass was still in his hand. Amidst all this, he lay quivering and shivering trying to explain that it was an inadvertent action; he would never want to harm his only child.

She looks at him in disbelief; her angry gaze showed all the emotions that were ravaging her from the inside.

"How could you?" She demanded, not showing any sign of believing the explanation.

"Am sorry, it was a mistake... it really was," with tears rolling down his eyes, and a huge lump on his throat, that was all he could bring himself to say.

The events prior to this were replaying in his head... amidst the angry words he and his wife exchanged, he had forgotten that he had picked a piece of broken glass so as to throw it away.

But, in the heat of the moment, in a bid to respond to some angry comment coming from his antagonist, he carelessly threw the bottle onto the face of his three year old, who lay on the bed, somewhat nonplussed to the events obtaining in the room.

As the innocent cry played again and again in his mind, with blood oozing from its beautiful face, he kicked himself against the hospital wall.

"How could I? What kind of father am I?"

He would never bear to see the scar on her pretty face. How was he ever going to explain that he had marred her lovely visage?

He locked himself in a cage of helpless blame, wishing to undo the hands of time... if only wishes were horses.

There is more than one scar in the story: whereas one is a mistake, the other two are a choice. 

Over time, as I look at my own life with its fair share of mistakes, I realize that perhaps the one gift that we never accept is that of forgiveness, that of being able to forgive oneself.

Sometimes as I lie down, thinking of how far I have came, how many people I have hurt, I am overwhelmed with a sense of guilt. This guilt however, has a negative ripple effect. It creates skeptical and highly suspicious friendships, without trust and security, it also creates the inability to accept and forgive other people's flaws. Why, because of my lack of inner peace, I look at the world through a damaged lens.

The first step in forgiveness is accepting the forgiveness. In the parable of the unforgiving servant [Matthew 18:23-35], it is not that the Master had retracted his forgiveness; rather it shows what a lack of acceptance of the forgiveness can do. If the 'unforgiving' servant had truly accepted the forgiveness from the Master, he would have readily exercised it on the other servant who owed him a smaller sum. But, because he did not, he could not.

Forgiveness does not restore a relationship (not just yet, at least), it does not build back trust (not instantly, maybe) but it frees a caged conscience. It loosens up many a man and a woman from the guilt of their mistakes.

Much as the Bible has a plethora of texts on how God forgives, they mean nothing to us unless and until we accept the forgiveness and live no more under the shackles of the past offences.

And that is the lesson am still grappling with; to learn to forgive myself, because it is only then that I can exercise the same grace on others.

There is something about good gifts, you just want to share them with others!

So, you ask, what happened to that man? Well, I don't know. That part is left up to each of us to fill in, but so you know, that man is in all of us.

Identity

Bouts of I love me, I love me not... It is okay to change as long as the change draws you closer to who He intended you to be... He determines who you are first, then and only then can you be content with who an what you are...

Precious lyrics from Jonathan McReynolds' Pressure.. Spoke my mind when I had no words...

I, I can't even turn on my phone

Without being reminded of the lie

That I am alone and broken, unsuccessful

I, I can't always talk to my friends

'Cause they've got expectations

That I may or may not be living up to

I really need to rid myself

Chorus

Of the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone else that the world has made

Jesus take from me

All the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone that you did not create

Help me be me

And only see you

Let me decrease

And glorify you

(Help me...God...Help me)

I, I thought my intentions were good

Just act like a Christian should

And hope, that someone watching would approve

And be inspired

But, if you're not feeling my show

Then how far could I go before

All of my accomplishments

Go down in fire

Just cause of

Of the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone else that the church has made

Jesus take from me

All the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone that you did not create

Help me be me

And only see you

Let me decrease

And glorify you

I just wanna live

I just wanna live for you

Nobody else, but you

He Was There All The Time

"What about the time that He cried 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?' Wasn't it because you had abandoned Him, just like you have abandoned me!" He angrily shouted at the person he thought was God.

"Regardless what He felt at that moment, I never left Him," God responded, in a somewhat soft but broken manner.

"When all you see is your pain, perhaps then you think I have left you," He continued. "But, I never did, never have, never will."

That is perhaps the hardest thing to grapple with, to believe that God is there when all you can see is your pain, when gross darkness surrounds you.

It is in these moments that the little, still voice of faith should grasp the promise 'Lo, I am ALWAYS with you, even unto the end of the world.'

He was there all the time... He is there all the time.

(Some parts of this publication were obtained from The Shack, by W.M Young)

Reality Check

I guess I had reached that cross-road, I had reached that point where I could stare in the mirror and not be pleased with the reflection that stared back at me. Even though the laws of Physics tried to comfort me about the left hand looking like the right in a reflection, the truth was blatantly clear, in black and white and in that moment I was certain: THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I AM SUPPOSED TO BE.

Years had gone by and somehow I started getting used to the ideologies of how society defined me and slowly adopting them as I my own. With trying to fit into some half-baked, not purely-processed theory about what to be, how to act, what to say and when to say it, I lost out on the opportunity to grow, grow at the person I was meant to be.

You see, we live in a highly fictitious world, where people’s concepts about life are purely birthed out of some comatose, fantasy project displayed on T.V. We have let fantasy determine who a lady, and who a real gentleman is, what to wear, what to eat, the works. The demerit of this is that in as much as we may be captivated by this highly fabricated lifestyle, it is hard to be pragmatic. We cannot honestly thrive in a real life setting because everything is merely a bunch of well-thought out but difficult to live theory.

That misfortune is what I found myself in. And it was not long before it became visibly clear even in the little things of life: setting unrealistic goals, harnessing absurd ideas, like what! It was not rocket science that something was amiss.

Here’s my theory: all these twisted rules and standards we have created are a sign of our brokenness, our dejected, hopeless state. In all of us is the desire to be ultimately satisfied. To be content and happy is the quest of many a man, but sadly we seek this right desire in the wrong places, thereby ending up in a confused maze of a lost identity, to all intents and purposes.

And so many things, like opium have sought to numb us and give us a short, warm-fuzzy feeling of “I have attained” but when the feeling melts away like butter in the sun, we are back to our dejected state. The sad part is not many of us are bold enough to accept that we are a mess. And so we carry ourselves round, with fake smiles, trying to act whole when we are broken pieces of glass.

Many a Christian friend will chant the old faithful ‘God is good all the time’ without fully believing it; without fully appreciating what ‘all the time’ really means. And you see this especially in those dark days, leaving you to guess that maybe, just maybe when they coined the phrase, they only had warm, sunny days in mind.

I grew tired of all this, and I honestly wanted more. I wanted a real experience.

And so I ventured on a path of self-discovery; of understanding my nature and not trying so hard to look good when I didn’t feel good, or of not saying the right things when I didn’t mean them. I had had enough of playing church when my heart was far away from Him; of telling people Jesus loves you when I didn’t, in my heart of hearts, believe that He did love me (I know, as hard as it sounds, not many of us have sunk and appreciated the idea that God really loves us… if we did, we wouldn’t be mutilating our souls the way we do).

And it was then that I discovered that it is okay to be weak, it is okay to cry, it is okay to be broken because with that realization, I knew I was on the way to achieving my objective. Realizing you have a problem is the first step in finding the solution, they say.

In as much as the relationship with God is premised on principle, it is also highly emotional. I mean, He sympathizes with us, ‘He is touched with the feelings of our infirmities.’ And God, more than anything else, wants us to be real with Him, cause it is only then that He can save us, only then that He can mend that brokenness and give us the satisfaction we so desire. We don’t win anything by pretending; by looking good and saying appropriate things when deep down it’s all a fake garb used in a bid to attain approval from people who have set standards that Jesus would condemn!

And so for the first time in years, I stopped. I stopped all these games and looked long and hard at myself and realized that things needed to change and I was so determined to live life the way He intended, not the way society decided, not the way the media wanted me to. I decided to get the blueprint and follow in the Great Architect’s master plan…after all, His way is always the best.

“...For I have created Him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.” [Isaiah 43:8]

Growing Up Into The Perfect Man

2016 is only halfway done but it sure has been a roller-coaster. This has been perhaps one of the busiest years ever, being characterized by a lot of 'firsts': first job, first this, first that, and of course turning the Big 22. That notwithstanding, this year has brought with it some lessons, both good and bad and I thought it best that I share some of these experiences, this being the first article the year.

1. Know Yourself.

So on my birthday, a friend of mine got me this teenage-looking book about discovering one's worth. Thinking that 'I had attained,' I quickly wrote it off as one of those self-help books for depressed teenagers, struggling with self-esteem. I am definitely not a teenager, neither am I depressed (well, not in the very sense of the word) but to my amazement, that book had a lot of insights that every what-year-old could make use of. And it is then that I discovered that maybe I was the teenager still, maybe I was struggling with those low bouts of esteem. 

See, in each of us, God placed a desire to love and be loved. We all feel the need to be appreciated but the problem comes in when there seems to be no way of satisfying this need. The common way that seems readily available (at least on my end, and I discovered that I use it unconsciously) is to look at that one being that seems to get the most attention and try as hard as possible to be like them.

However, one lesson I have come to learn is that by doing so, I hurt myself in the process. Not only that, I rob the world of my individuality, my uniqueness. I may not be the prettiest, smartest, but there can never be another like me. 

The solution then is to know myself, to love myself and be content with me. All real self-esteem comes from an appreciation of who one is, why one exists and going hard about being yourself. Yes, we may have our flaws, yes we may not match up to the next person but who says we  have to be like X for us to be happy? The fact that God saw it fit to create a crazy, weird, Madaliso who is fearfully and wonderfully made is enough!

2. Live for a Purpose

My second struggle was knowing why I am alive. I do not think I was just created to be the 14th million individual on earth and that is all. There is indeed a purpose for our being alive and until that purpose is realized we shall merely continue to exist and not live.

In the creation account, God had a purpose for everything He created:

"And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven TO DIVIDE THE DAY FROM THE NIGHT..."[Genesis 1:14]

If the lights were created for a purpose, what more man? So my challenge this year was to know the reason for my existence. I cannot say that I have attained but I know am on my way. That is my challenge to you: think critically about your life. Are you living your purpose? Do you even know your purpose? Let not this year go by without having had time to know this.

3. Be Real

This is perhaps one of the biggest lessons I have learnt this year. So, one day I was given a task at work, and being the timid me, I decided not to ask how to do it and guess what, I made a mess! A good friend and team-mate told me something:

"Do not be afraid to ask. Nobody expects you to know everything."

You are probably wondering what this has to do with being real, oh but it has everything! You see, I discovered that I had set unrealistic goals and standards in my life, and that was amongst the reasons why I never made significant progress on most of them. And so I had to wake up from the dream that I could be an island, wake up from the dream that I could be a perfectionist and be happy, wake up from the dream that people do not have weaknesses, wake up from the dream that all days will be sunny.

Being real borders on every aspect of our lives. It is call to be honest with oneself, even if you don't like the idea because it only when we are honest; when we are real that we can change for the better, and become the persons we want to be.

These are not all the lessons I have learnt, but most of them stem from the three: to know self, to live for a purpose and to be real about it.