The year begun as all years do… count
downs, braais, fireworks and general festivities right? Well, not exactly for
me. I sat on my bed on 31 December 2017, in a green dress, fighting back tears.
What had happened? Well for starters, I had been forgotten by my brother (yes,
I can be quite petty) and secondly, I was generally unhappy about something in
my life (story for another day). Anyway, my 2018 did not start on a happy note
and something was nudging on my heart that this year was going to be a year and
a half, here’s why.
So 2018 was by far the most confusing,
devastating and almost the worst year so far. I experienced stuff that I never
had before, stuff that left me confused, distorted and shook. But, as they say,
never a failure but only a learner, I have decided to look at what I can learn
or what I perhaps learned from the so-called devastating year. So, here goes
nothing.
1. Sometimes
it won’t make sense.
This is perhaps one of the worst lessons
I learned. I lost my brother 12 days after my final exam. He had been sick
during the time I was writing exams. It was the most traumatizing moment of my
life; constantly checking if he’s made it to the next day whilst trying to
study because the exam wouldn’t write itself. I would get panic attacks in the
exam hall but bore on until the end. When he finally died, I was filled with a
lot of whys, hows and what not. Nothing about it made sense. I was more shocked
than sad. I couldn’t understand a thing of what was going on. I didn’t, and
still don’t understand how everything happened in quick succession. It just
hurt and I just had questions and no answers.
Sometimes you won’t get the answers; and
it won’t make sense. You must just live through it.
2. Be
there
I must admit that sometimes I am a
coward in the sense that I evade feeling certain things for no reason or for
foolish reasons. So, during the time my brother was sick, the fear of him dying
engulfed me so much that I dreaded being home and seeing him sick and hanging
on to dear life. So I chose to stay away, to keep myself from feeling the pain,
the fear or the stress. No one knew about it until the time I couldn’t eat or
the time I suddenly broke down. I masked it good. But guess what, when I saw
him lifeless on the day he died, I regretted every minute I spent away from
him. I should have stayed with him to spend the last few minutes with him. Even
when he lay there, shock and pain took control and I ran away. Now, I’m filled
with regret for not feeling the pain, the fear or experiencing it all with him.
So my advice is be there emotionally, physically or spiritually. Do not shy
away from feeling the emotions because we are emotional beings and fighting
emotions is equivalent to being less of a human, me thinks.
3. You
failed, you are not a failure.
Another important lesson 2018 brought to
my door is differentiating between failing and being a failure. Having a
background of excelling, not clearing ZIALE at first attempt stung! A part of
me felt like I was dull and probably spoiled by the easy undergrad exams but hey,
failing is not the same as being a failure. You fail, you learn, you get up,
you try again, you win! You are not a failure!!!
4. Be
you, for you.
Ever caught in situations where you feel
not good enough, or that you need to tone down a bit? Well, sometimes you have
to decide to screw it and be you. As long as long it doesn’t hurt nobody, you
sometimes need to be a little selfish and be you for you because ultimately,
nobody loves you better than you.
This sounds not so Biblical right? Well, I
learned a painful lesson that the more you try so hard to be something you are
not, the more you rob the world of something that only you can give. So
recognize what needs to change and embrace the real you.
5. Some
things are right under your nose
Tongue in cheek… sometimes, you may
never know that what you are looking for is right under your nose, because that
is always the last place we check really. I am allowed to be a little discreet
here but all in all, I learned that you sometimes won’t need to try so hard, or
push so hard to get what is yours. Sometimes you will fight to get it, other
times, things will just fall in place. You need wisdom to know the difference.
Yep, I haven’t said much here, right?
6. Love
deeply
It is amazing that with everything
written about it and sung about it, love is still as abstract a concept. I
guess 2018 brought me closer to the concept of love, in whatever form, shape
and size. Love entails forgiving a lot, caring too much, being selfless and trying
so hard to be a better version of yourself. I was tested to the very core and
the only thing that kept me going was love; love for the thing, and love for
the things. Yep, not saying much too.
But love deeply. Sometimes you will love
and the object of the affection won’t appreciate it or see it, love
nonetheless.
7. Blessings
in adversity
I don’t need to overemphasize the
horrors of 2018 but one thing I learned is that you will face trials and some
of them will be because humans are jealous, stupid and evil, and that is why we
need Jesus. But, no matter the adversity, man-made or God-ordained, you need to
realize that there is a blessing. It may not be a material blessing and
sometimes it won’t come in a way our perverted selves will imagine but it is
there. For example, when someone I trusted threw me under a moving bus and I’m
not even exaggerating, I learned not to trust anyone. That is a blessing, a
blessing of a lesson about life.
Adversity also gives you an opportunity
to introspect, and help you realize that sometimes you are the major reason
behind all the screw ups; that it is your fault and you need to change that.
What better blessing than becoming a better person for you and those around
you?
8. Seek
first to understand
We are humans and that means we are
brutes and selfish. When something happens, our first instinct is usually
selfish in that we will react based on us and not the other person. What if I told
you that people always have reasons for why they act the way they do? We don’t
know that because we don’t seek first to understand. We are quick to see things
from our perspective and arrive at a conclusion. But, seek firs to understand
before acting. Put yourself in their shoes and see how effective that
judgmental side of yours will be…
9. Chase
your dreams
The long, sad year drove me further away
from my dreams. I felt dull, defeated and stuck. But, no matter what happens, I
have learnt to keep that hope alive within me. I watched a cartoon a long time
ago called ‘Ratatouille;’ a foodie rat that was determined to be the best chef
ever. I guess that rat’s determination to be a great chef is what we all need
to chase our dreams no matter how many road blocks life throws at us.
10. Nurture your friendships
Last but not the least, nurture those
friendships. I discovered that my friends would go all out to do something for
me. It humbled me to see how much they fought for me, were there for me, prayed
for me or listened to me. So nurture those friendships because sometimes family
will fail and friends will be all you got.
The weather man did not tell me how 2018
would look. It was cloudy with a high chance of thunderstorms. Nonetheless, I
choose not to focus on the pain, hurt and disappointment but to focus on the
lessons learnt. It was not my best year but it was more revealing, full of
change and growth and definitely eye-opening. This list of lessons is not
exhaustive as I have probably learnt a lot more than the 10 penned down. You
may not agree with some of them and that is okay; they are purely a product of
my experience and viewpoint.
Here’s to a great 2019. To life,
success, happiness, love, joy. Yes, there may be a few thunderstorms here and
there but guess what, we are stronger than this. Whatever didn’t kill us, had
better start running!!
