Dark Soul

She walked through life with an air of gloom and sadness; only that it was hidden in her heart. As they say, depression is sometimes a smiling face. So she carried the weight in her heart. Nobody knew it hurt, or how much it was eating her up.

She smiled and bore with her an aura of happiness that to everyone, it was business as usual. But, she still carried the weight.

The past few weeks had been the worst. She was broken in every sense, bruised and battered. But because the wounds were internal, nobody saw the scars. She had tried to speak, to share her worst fights and scariest battles, but each time she opened her mouth to speak, it seemed words were inadequate. So sometimes she would break down, in the bathroom or some other private place, or she would pen down what she felt and almost immediately destroy the evidence. It just felt like nobody could understand how hard she felt, even if they tried.

The few people who managed to hear a point or two on the issue told her she was strong, brave and could do it; that it was all in her head but nobody knew that she had reached the end. She could fight no longer, the burden was overwhelming and the person she could run to as her last resort had seemingly forsaken her. Alone, destitute… she bore on, hanging on to a thread.

It was hard to wake up, and hard to really eat too. Her body was also beginning to fail her. It wanted more attention, but she was too weak to give it. Her mind was a mess. She was buried in thought most of the time; things she could do with her eyes closed became difficult, almost like learning new tricks in old age.

It was too much.

One day, after all the tears, the notes, the “you can do it,” she could have it no longer and so she decided to make a drastic decision. She took the easy way out.

                                                            ****

Check on the strong ones, the smiling ones, the jovial ones. They could be suffering in silence.

“She is a beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands. And a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.”

“I won’t let pain turn my heart into something ugly. I will show you that surviving can be beautiful.”