Freeing the Caged Bird

There were blood stains on the wall. The broken piece of glass was still in his hand. Amidst all this, he lay quivering and shivering trying to explain that it was an inadvertent action; he would never want to harm his only child.

She looks at him in disbelief; her angry gaze showed all the emotions that were ravaging her from the inside.

"How could you?" She demanded, not showing any sign of believing the explanation.

"Am sorry, it was a mistake... it really was," with tears rolling down his eyes, and a huge lump on his throat, that was all he could bring himself to say.

The events prior to this were replaying in his head... amidst the angry words he and his wife exchanged, he had forgotten that he had picked a piece of broken glass so as to throw it away.

But, in the heat of the moment, in a bid to respond to some angry comment coming from his antagonist, he carelessly threw the bottle onto the face of his three year old, who lay on the bed, somewhat nonplussed to the events obtaining in the room.

As the innocent cry played again and again in his mind, with blood oozing from its beautiful face, he kicked himself against the hospital wall.

"How could I? What kind of father am I?"

He would never bear to see the scar on her pretty face. How was he ever going to explain that he had marred her lovely visage?

He locked himself in a cage of helpless blame, wishing to undo the hands of time... if only wishes were horses.

There is more than one scar in the story: whereas one is a mistake, the other two are a choice. 

Over time, as I look at my own life with its fair share of mistakes, I realize that perhaps the one gift that we never accept is that of forgiveness, that of being able to forgive oneself.

Sometimes as I lie down, thinking of how far I have came, how many people I have hurt, I am overwhelmed with a sense of guilt. This guilt however, has a negative ripple effect. It creates skeptical and highly suspicious friendships, without trust and security, it also creates the inability to accept and forgive other people's flaws. Why, because of my lack of inner peace, I look at the world through a damaged lens.

The first step in forgiveness is accepting the forgiveness. In the parable of the unforgiving servant [Matthew 18:23-35], it is not that the Master had retracted his forgiveness; rather it shows what a lack of acceptance of the forgiveness can do. If the 'unforgiving' servant had truly accepted the forgiveness from the Master, he would have readily exercised it on the other servant who owed him a smaller sum. But, because he did not, he could not.

Forgiveness does not restore a relationship (not just yet, at least), it does not build back trust (not instantly, maybe) but it frees a caged conscience. It loosens up many a man and a woman from the guilt of their mistakes.

Much as the Bible has a plethora of texts on how God forgives, they mean nothing to us unless and until we accept the forgiveness and live no more under the shackles of the past offences.

And that is the lesson am still grappling with; to learn to forgive myself, because it is only then that I can exercise the same grace on others.

There is something about good gifts, you just want to share them with others!

So, you ask, what happened to that man? Well, I don't know. That part is left up to each of us to fill in, but so you know, that man is in all of us.

Identity

Bouts of I love me, I love me not... It is okay to change as long as the change draws you closer to who He intended you to be... He determines who you are first, then and only then can you be content with who an what you are...

Precious lyrics from Jonathan McReynolds' Pressure.. Spoke my mind when I had no words...

I, I can't even turn on my phone

Without being reminded of the lie

That I am alone and broken, unsuccessful

I, I can't always talk to my friends

'Cause they've got expectations

That I may or may not be living up to

I really need to rid myself

Chorus

Of the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone else that the world has made

Jesus take from me

All the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone that you did not create

Help me be me

And only see you

Let me decrease

And glorify you

(Help me...God...Help me)

I, I thought my intentions were good

Just act like a Christian should

And hope, that someone watching would approve

And be inspired

But, if you're not feeling my show

Then how far could I go before

All of my accomplishments

Go down in fire

Just cause of

Of the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone else that the church has made

Jesus take from me

All the pressure, pressure, pressure

To be someone that you did not create

Help me be me

And only see you

Let me decrease

And glorify you

I just wanna live

I just wanna live for you

Nobody else, but you

He Was There All The Time

"What about the time that He cried 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?' Wasn't it because you had abandoned Him, just like you have abandoned me!" He angrily shouted at the person he thought was God.

"Regardless what He felt at that moment, I never left Him," God responded, in a somewhat soft but broken manner.

"When all you see is your pain, perhaps then you think I have left you," He continued. "But, I never did, never have, never will."

That is perhaps the hardest thing to grapple with, to believe that God is there when all you can see is your pain, when gross darkness surrounds you.

It is in these moments that the little, still voice of faith should grasp the promise 'Lo, I am ALWAYS with you, even unto the end of the world.'

He was there all the time... He is there all the time.

(Some parts of this publication were obtained from The Shack, by W.M Young)

Reality Check

I guess I had reached that cross-road, I had reached that point where I could stare in the mirror and not be pleased with the reflection that stared back at me. Even though the laws of Physics tried to comfort me about the left hand looking like the right in a reflection, the truth was blatantly clear, in black and white and in that moment I was certain: THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I AM SUPPOSED TO BE.

Years had gone by and somehow I started getting used to the ideologies of how society defined me and slowly adopting them as I my own. With trying to fit into some half-baked, not purely-processed theory about what to be, how to act, what to say and when to say it, I lost out on the opportunity to grow, grow at the person I was meant to be.

You see, we live in a highly fictitious world, where people’s concepts about life are purely birthed out of some comatose, fantasy project displayed on T.V. We have let fantasy determine who a lady, and who a real gentleman is, what to wear, what to eat, the works. The demerit of this is that in as much as we may be captivated by this highly fabricated lifestyle, it is hard to be pragmatic. We cannot honestly thrive in a real life setting because everything is merely a bunch of well-thought out but difficult to live theory.

That misfortune is what I found myself in. And it was not long before it became visibly clear even in the little things of life: setting unrealistic goals, harnessing absurd ideas, like what! It was not rocket science that something was amiss.

Here’s my theory: all these twisted rules and standards we have created are a sign of our brokenness, our dejected, hopeless state. In all of us is the desire to be ultimately satisfied. To be content and happy is the quest of many a man, but sadly we seek this right desire in the wrong places, thereby ending up in a confused maze of a lost identity, to all intents and purposes.

And so many things, like opium have sought to numb us and give us a short, warm-fuzzy feeling of “I have attained” but when the feeling melts away like butter in the sun, we are back to our dejected state. The sad part is not many of us are bold enough to accept that we are a mess. And so we carry ourselves round, with fake smiles, trying to act whole when we are broken pieces of glass.

Many a Christian friend will chant the old faithful ‘God is good all the time’ without fully believing it; without fully appreciating what ‘all the time’ really means. And you see this especially in those dark days, leaving you to guess that maybe, just maybe when they coined the phrase, they only had warm, sunny days in mind.

I grew tired of all this, and I honestly wanted more. I wanted a real experience.

And so I ventured on a path of self-discovery; of understanding my nature and not trying so hard to look good when I didn’t feel good, or of not saying the right things when I didn’t mean them. I had had enough of playing church when my heart was far away from Him; of telling people Jesus loves you when I didn’t, in my heart of hearts, believe that He did love me (I know, as hard as it sounds, not many of us have sunk and appreciated the idea that God really loves us… if we did, we wouldn’t be mutilating our souls the way we do).

And it was then that I discovered that it is okay to be weak, it is okay to cry, it is okay to be broken because with that realization, I knew I was on the way to achieving my objective. Realizing you have a problem is the first step in finding the solution, they say.

In as much as the relationship with God is premised on principle, it is also highly emotional. I mean, He sympathizes with us, ‘He is touched with the feelings of our infirmities.’ And God, more than anything else, wants us to be real with Him, cause it is only then that He can save us, only then that He can mend that brokenness and give us the satisfaction we so desire. We don’t win anything by pretending; by looking good and saying appropriate things when deep down it’s all a fake garb used in a bid to attain approval from people who have set standards that Jesus would condemn!

And so for the first time in years, I stopped. I stopped all these games and looked long and hard at myself and realized that things needed to change and I was so determined to live life the way He intended, not the way society decided, not the way the media wanted me to. I decided to get the blueprint and follow in the Great Architect’s master plan…after all, His way is always the best.

“...For I have created Him for my glory, I have formed him; yea, I have made him.” [Isaiah 43:8]

Growing Up Into The Perfect Man

2016 is only halfway done but it sure has been a roller-coaster. This has been perhaps one of the busiest years ever, being characterized by a lot of 'firsts': first job, first this, first that, and of course turning the Big 22. That notwithstanding, this year has brought with it some lessons, both good and bad and I thought it best that I share some of these experiences, this being the first article the year.

1. Know Yourself.

So on my birthday, a friend of mine got me this teenage-looking book about discovering one's worth. Thinking that 'I had attained,' I quickly wrote it off as one of those self-help books for depressed teenagers, struggling with self-esteem. I am definitely not a teenager, neither am I depressed (well, not in the very sense of the word) but to my amazement, that book had a lot of insights that every what-year-old could make use of. And it is then that I discovered that maybe I was the teenager still, maybe I was struggling with those low bouts of esteem. 

See, in each of us, God placed a desire to love and be loved. We all feel the need to be appreciated but the problem comes in when there seems to be no way of satisfying this need. The common way that seems readily available (at least on my end, and I discovered that I use it unconsciously) is to look at that one being that seems to get the most attention and try as hard as possible to be like them.

However, one lesson I have come to learn is that by doing so, I hurt myself in the process. Not only that, I rob the world of my individuality, my uniqueness. I may not be the prettiest, smartest, but there can never be another like me. 

The solution then is to know myself, to love myself and be content with me. All real self-esteem comes from an appreciation of who one is, why one exists and going hard about being yourself. Yes, we may have our flaws, yes we may not match up to the next person but who says we  have to be like X for us to be happy? The fact that God saw it fit to create a crazy, weird, Madaliso who is fearfully and wonderfully made is enough!

2. Live for a Purpose

My second struggle was knowing why I am alive. I do not think I was just created to be the 14th million individual on earth and that is all. There is indeed a purpose for our being alive and until that purpose is realized we shall merely continue to exist and not live.

In the creation account, God had a purpose for everything He created:

"And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven TO DIVIDE THE DAY FROM THE NIGHT..."[Genesis 1:14]

If the lights were created for a purpose, what more man? So my challenge this year was to know the reason for my existence. I cannot say that I have attained but I know am on my way. That is my challenge to you: think critically about your life. Are you living your purpose? Do you even know your purpose? Let not this year go by without having had time to know this.

3. Be Real

This is perhaps one of the biggest lessons I have learnt this year. So, one day I was given a task at work, and being the timid me, I decided not to ask how to do it and guess what, I made a mess! A good friend and team-mate told me something:

"Do not be afraid to ask. Nobody expects you to know everything."

You are probably wondering what this has to do with being real, oh but it has everything! You see, I discovered that I had set unrealistic goals and standards in my life, and that was amongst the reasons why I never made significant progress on most of them. And so I had to wake up from the dream that I could be an island, wake up from the dream that I could be a perfectionist and be happy, wake up from the dream that people do not have weaknesses, wake up from the dream that all days will be sunny.

Being real borders on every aspect of our lives. It is call to be honest with oneself, even if you don't like the idea because it only when we are honest; when we are real that we can change for the better, and become the persons we want to be.

These are not all the lessons I have learnt, but most of them stem from the three: to know self, to live for a purpose and to be real about it.

A Wedding Ring Depends On It

Nerves, nerves, nerves! We all have to deal with the adrenaline rush prior to taking a giant step that the body isn't familiar with, especially the one that involves public speaking. In fact, no one is a natural on stage; even the seemingly confident politician has had to deal with nerves!
The past two or so days were nerve wrecking in that I had to do the one thing I dread the most; public speaking. And I say dread because I was being graded for it so it had to be A- grade. Simply put, my client's life depended on it. But, something good came out of all this: I learnt a precious gem that is worth a share.
So, sitting in a little corner, wondering how on earth am going to mask my nerves before those learned minds, I heard a whisper...
"Imagine you are a guy and you want to ask out this beautiful girl, the girl of your dreams. You can't mess that one up. Whatever you say, your demeanour and non-verbal cues will either win her heart or make you look like a fool. So, the ball is in your court, a wedding ring depends on it. Do what thou wilt, but do it quickly!"
Hearing that, I was like what?! Am not a guy but even if I was, there's no girl to ask out. Even if there was, she is... not.. here.. then voila, brainwave! I should give this presentation the same energy, the same devotion, the same determination that a brother trying to get a sister would. I was this brother, and the judges were the lady I liked. I must persuade them, I must convince them that 'nobody loves them better than I do.'
With a smirk on my face, I went out of the corner, tenaciously going to present my case..
Now, this isn't about public speaking, much as it may work. Rather, this is about something bigger, something better than public speaking. This is about Christianity (you weren't expecting that ey...)
In a similar sense, we as Christians have an argument to present before the world. An argument that there is something more to look forward to than this dismal existence and what's more is that we have to persuade our audience day by day. In a world that is bleak and despondent, in a world that has flickering flames of forlorn hope, we have a duty to present our substantive argument that there is indeed a better way; that there is hope. But, the reason why our arguments are not water-tight, I reckon is because with don't present them in an enthusing way, that captivates the attention of everyone and make them believe that we could be making sense. The laissez-faire attitude with which we carry ourselves wouldn't even take anyone for dinner!
And yet we wonder why it is so easy to make one party as opposed to inviting them to church!
There is so much that goes into convincing an individual, and the large part of it is not what you say but how you say it and how you live out the little you say.
I was ardent fan of Ussain Bolt at a point in my life and I recall him giving tips on how he manages to keep his body in shape and I think I tried it once or twice. Why, you ask, well I don't know. I guess I wanted to do it cause Bolt said it. However, it is an indisputable fact that whatever gold medal(s) Bolt acquires in his life time are just temporal. Notwithstanding, look at how much devotion the brother throws in but contrast it with the devotion of the average christian, pity!
I think it's high time we got our act together and knew who we are and what our object in life is because really, a wedding ring depends on it. When the wedding of the Lamb comes, the well done will only be said to those who were zealous enough, sober enough and determined enough. If you can do so much for a one night public speaking event, how much more for a life time, knowing that we "have been made a spectacle before men and angels..."

Yes-Man!

There are times when I want to get my way so bad that I wish life would grant ALL my wishes. Thank God I do not always get my way.

Have you also felt like you have got it covered? Like the only thing standing between you and the ecstasy of a dream come true is God's veto and yet He seems so reluctant to say yes, go ahead? We all feel frustrated, let down and unloved by God when He says No, don't we? But, I have come to realize that "He makes everything beautiful in His time."

Truth be told, we are all short-sighted: we see things in the here and the now, without giving thought to the repercussions of whatever it is we desire. And because we are present-oriented, we should really be thankful whenever God says no to us.(What? I know right!)

Perhaps one thing that we know about God in relation to answering prayers is that God uses the 'tripod-stand' method (don't look it up, it doesn't exist!) It's either He'll say Yes, No or Wait. Most of us love the Yes answer and are quite infatuated with the 'Wait' but none of us like the'No'. As a matter of fact, we give up on God when He says no. But listen, God is not a Yes-Man! He won't always say yes to us. Why? Because we are unreasonable, short-sighted and literally have no clue whatsoever about anything.
If we could see our prayers for what they really are, we would realize that sometimes we make foolish demands that will come back to hurt us. And what happens when we get hurt? We accept responsibility like 'mature adults', right? No! We blame God! Typical.

The past Sunday was a day dedicated to our precious mothers who made us what we are today. Now imagine if, while we were growing up, our mums were yes-men who said yes to every silly thing we wanted.
"Mummy I want fire!"
"Oh child, you didn't have to ask, its over there."
"Mummy, I want a red-hot knife!"
"It's on the table, you can gladly have it."

I do not know how many of us would be alive today, I know I wouldn't. God bless our mothers because they knew that should we get everything we want, we wouldn't live and so they said No, sometimes with sweet tones and at other times with an angry spank. When we look back now, its actually embarrassing that we even asked for such things (covers face and runs away :]).

In many ways, God is like our Mum. He knows what's best for us and so trust Him when He says no because He's got it covered. He knows what He is doing. When God says no, it is an assurance of His love. It is His way of saying "I love you too much to see you get hurt and so I withhold this from you." So when God doesn't seem to come through for you, trust that He is coming through for you in a better way. Expect these answers from Him when you pray and dance with joy when he says no because in all honesty, we are clueless about what we want. We don't even know our own hearts so child relax and leave this to the Expert!

Oh and Mum, happy belated mothers' day, I would have been a brute without you...

LITTLE DRESSES AND LITTLE STANDARDS

Growing up, there would be times when I wanted to feel like the food I was eating was going somewhere; I needed to feel that I was gaining a few kilos but the scale wouldn't grant me the much sought after wish. Consequently, I decided that whenever I wanted to feel like I had gained weight, I would jump into the clothes I used to wear 5 years ago. It pretty much seemed like the logical thing to do given the circumstances. And, to my delight, I would forcefully fit in those little dresses and I feel like I had put on a lot of weight! I enjoyed the euphoria so much that the deception went on and on...

Now, everyone would agree with me that, that was one hell of a gross deception but hey don't be too quick to judge because we are not very different...

Have you ever felt like you have done your best simply because your achievement was slightly higher than the others? Have you ever mourned a loss only to realize that your loss was actually a 'better' one? Truth is, we all have (most of us at least). But what is wrong with this attitude? Everything!

By comparing ourselves to low standards, we tend to feel like we have given the best and have this illusion of satisfaction. We tend to feel comfortable in our losses simply because many others got way below us. Students will feel good for getting 40% and topping the class not realizing that the percentage is not what can be called a distinction or merit.

In constantly tallying our lives to other people, living or of the past, we lower our standards and do not see the need of improvement. We are content in our failures because we have failed way better than others. Failing way better than others does not change the fact that it is a fail.

Sadly, this is what happens in our Christian lives. The fact that we don't drink or smoke like the other church-mate does not make us better Christians. Looking at the sins of others will always make us feel 'holier than thou', like Mr and Ms Goody-two-shoes and we won't see the need to grow. We will be content in our sins.

It is only when we look for a higher standard that we'll be constantly working and striving to be better. If my standard is 90%, getting 50%, regardless of whether am the 'best' in that course should not make me comfortable. Similarly, we should endeavor to make Christ our standard so that we look not on the faults of others and feel like 'holy' sinners, rather that by beholding His perfect character, we see and feel the need to grow into His stature.

It is possible, only if you let go of the little dresses in the closet! 

Tiny Giants

One morning, I frantically searched for a 50 ngwee coin (yes, they are that important!) but couldn't find any. In fact, the only 'things' I found where 10 ngwee coins in every place I looked but I ignored all of them simply because I was looking for a 50 ngwee not little 10 ngwees that my two year old niece wouldn't care for. Thus, the search went on and on until it hit me; the number of 10 ngwee coins I ignored were more than five and so if I collected every bit of them, I would have more than the 50 ngwee coin I was looking for!

This reminded of the many opportunities we forfeit simply because they are too 'small'. Most of us wait for big opportunities to do something so much that we ignore the little blessings that come our way, we wait for grandiose signs to do good or start our goals. There is absolutely nothing wrong in dreaming big but all big dreams started with small effort.

So, no matter how small a role we seem to play in this world, it is not irrelevant because it is the little things that birth great success. A simple thank you or good morning could brighten someones day. Take advantage of the little things you can do and bring light to the world.

At the past jubilee celebrations, I recall seeing a troupe of soldiers who stood in such a way that if one took an aerial view of what they were doing, you would notice that they made the words 'Zambia at 50.' it only makes sense to one who takes an aerial view but from an adjacent view, it pretty much looks like aimless soldiers standing in a disorganized fashion! All of us have been given a role to play in this world. No matter how 'aimless and disorganized' we may look in the eyes of people, God, who takes the aerial view of things sees His children standing in positions that. He saw fit for them hence, regardless of who or what we are, we are here for a purpose.

Even though our purpose may looks small and of little importance, we are tiny giants in the eyes of God because little is much when God is in it! Endeavor to therefore make the most of every opportunity regardless of how small it may seem.

Oh and please take care of these little 10 ngwee coins, you need them!