For My Good

Seated at home all day, studying… preparing for my mid-year exams starting the coming week. It is a chilly day, the day before my birthday. Trying to keep warm, and whilst trying not to be too comfortable, I grab my sister’s lab coat and continue studying.

Something moves me to stand up, and as I do, I am met by a reflection of myself in the mirror. In that instant, thoughts flood my mind. 7 years ago, I had dreams of going to medical school after completing my high school. Was I in med school now? Hell no. Instead, I had just graduated from law school and was sitting here preparing for my bar exams. Things changed along the way.

As I continue gazing at myself, I am a mix of emotions; regrets, longing and wondering where I would have been had life turned left. I guess there is no way of finding out now.

One thing I have learnt through it all is that my plans are not God plans: something I had read in the good book and probably packed at the back of mind or recited in church. However, little did I know that God had plans alright, plans that were not even remotely resembling mine. Little did I know that 7 years later, I would be seated here, typing this. In my righteous imagination, I thought that around this time of the year, I would be running from one ward to another, doing my student rounds, or what they call being “on-call!”

It really is so easy to share stuff from the good book when you are far-detached from the story, when it’s a mere recital to someone, without an ounce of empathy. It is totally a whole different story when the advice is repeated to you.

And so today, on the eve of my 24^th birthday, I can safely say that I learned first-hand what it means to submit your plans to God, I learned first-hand what the Bible meant when it said “as the heaven are higher than the earth, so are my plans higher than yours.”

I can’t say I completely understand why it happened, neither can I completely say I’m happy with how it happened; however, the only thing I can say with certainty is that He couldn’t have brought me this far to leave me because somewhere in the good book, He said “I know the plans I think towards,… plans to prosper you.”

And so, He may have called me to give up my dream, and it hurt when He did, but I trust that ALL things are working for my good because what He promised, He is also able to perform.

On graduation, a good friend of mine sent me a message to say:

“Remember how hurt you were about not studying medicine, yet today you are graduating as the best student in law school. God had a plan!”

And so today, I remember that God had a plan, and He still does. I may not see it, I may not like it, but He still has a plan. And I would be damned if I didn’t believe that it has “for Madaliso’s good” written all over it!