Irreplaceable

It’s exactly 17:06. I check my phone and see the message I had dreaded to see for the longest time. In that moment, I’m numb. A certain chill rushes through my body and sadness engulfs me. I lose my mind and keep hoping and praying I misunderstood the text.

Those around me see my pale frame and being used to me being all bubbly, they inquire what’s wrong. I am unable to explain, so I just cry and point to my phone. They read the message too and tell me to calm down. How can I calm down when a piece of me has been taken away? Dude I was with you in the morning, why didn’t you warn me? Why didn’t you tell me you had plans of leaving?

I make my way home, hoping it’s a nasty prank… dumbfounded, I just see your lifeless body being taken away. As much as it hurts, it’s true: you are no more. I can’t figure out how I feel, but the tears flow fast. It hurts!

You lived a number of years on earth yet we only spent a few together… and just when I thought we were given an opportunity to get together and make up for lost time, you were taken away. Three weeks is too short a time man. You should have waited. Do you know how good I got at throwing those punches you taught me? Do you know how confident I became just because I knew how to fight back? I was a girl yes, but a tough one because of you…

And do you know how good I got at Math? It’s because of those persistent questions you gave me and the countless homework you helped me with. You were a brother, a friend, a mother, a sister, a teacher and a neat freak. How is it that your life just turned out this way?

They say you are in a better place, that you ran your race. They say you suffered long and it was time to be free from the pain… well you left me with more questions than answers.

It’s amazing how you brought us closer to each other. It seems your passing lifted a huge burden off our shoulders so much that we are free to go anywhere, at whatever time. Why is your demise seemingly the reason why good things are happening?

Whenever I think about the fact that I’ll never see you again, my heart breaks. I miss you with every fiber in me. Sometimes I forget you are no more and plan for you. It is so soon but it hurts so badly. You took everything and now it feels like I have to teach myself how to do certain things all over again.  It’s obvious I’m not doing well… do you see these eyes? When have you known me to cry?

As you rest, know that you are irreplaceable. I have a void in my heart that will be had to fill. I hope to see you again, to hear your voice again.